Read my paragraph and comment plz. thx?

I think it is pretty good, it is realistic and relatable. Just one thing about the dialogue, each time someone new is talking, it's a new paragraph. I'm not sure if it just all got smooshed together from copying it onto Y!A (because Y!A is dumb like that and won't let you use paragraph indents), or that's how you wrote it, but yeah. Other than that, I like it.